In this info sheet
A separation is a life event that comes with its share of instability, worries and emotions, both for the parents and the children or teens. The support parents provide to their teens during this transition will make a big difference in how they adjust to this new reality.
What’s the key to making a separation as smooth as possible for your children or teens? The answer: working together to make sure they’re well taken care of! This can be a real challenge when you’re struggling with the effects of the separation yourself.
A separation can be very difficult, so don’t hesitate to ask for help, both for yourself and for your children or teens.
The impacts of parental separation on teens
Since teens are more independent than younger children, you might think they’d be less affected by their parents’ separation. But that’s not the case! Adolescence is already a time filled with stress and change, and teens are constantly required to adapt to new situations. During this turbulent period, they typically seek comfort from their familiar family environment, even if it’s not perfect. A separation creates even more disruption in their already unsettled lives.
There is no single way for teens to react or adapt to their parents’ separation:
- Some teens may experience anger, aimed at one or both parents.
- Others may feel sadness.
- Some may want to “save” their parents, especially the one who is struggling more with the separation.
- Other teens may exhibit behavioural issues, such as isolation, falling grades or aggression.
- Some may appear indifferent but actually be internalizing their emotions.
These are just a few possible reactions teens might have in response to their parents’ separation. These emotions can also be contradictory. For example, a teen might feel happy about certain parts of their new life while also feeling anger toward the parent who initiated the separation. Most importantly, their emotions will evolve over time and in response to different events.
Shifting from couplehood to co-parenting
Co-parenting is when separated or divorced parents work together to make sure their children are raised happy and healthy.
According to Timmermans et al. (in Cloutier, Filion et Timmermans, 2012), the foundations of co-parenting are:
- Believing the other parent is always acting in the children’s best interest.
- Allowing the children to express their love for the other parent.
- Maintaining a positive image of the other parent.
- Maintaining functional communication about the children.
- Consulting with each other on major decisions involving the children: education, health, etc.
- Believing the other parent is always the best possible guardian in an unexpected situation.
- Sharing child-related costs according to the established agreement.
The better a co-parenting relationship, the better the children will fare. This means parents must set aside their own emotions and personal interests for the sake of the children’s well-being. Achieving this can take time, and it’s possible you may need help. Don’t hesitate to consult the resources below.
Did you know…
In Canada, in 2019, 18% of children aged 1-17 had experienced the separation or divorce of their parents. This represents 1,185,700 children. In Quebec, this number was 23%.
To better support
A separation is a difficult situation, especially when there are children involved, so don’t hesitate to consider mediation if needed. A family mediator is a neutral, accredited professional who can help you resolve issues related to your custody arrangement and the separation itself. Residents of Québec may be entitled to a few free hours of mediation. To learn more: Educaloi – Family Mediation in Six Steps.
Practical resources and tools
1. For support
General resources
Are you dealing with a situation that worries you? Ask for help:
2. To learn more
- Être parents après la séparation : Construire une coparentalité sereine pour l’enfant by Jacques Biolley (2012) (French only)
- Les enfants dans le divorce (2e édition) by Agnes Zonabend (2011) (French only)
- Rester parents après la séparation by Agnes Zonabend-Maduraud (2007) (French only)
- Parent au singulier : La monoparentalité au quotidien by Claudette Guilmaine (2012) (French only)
- Vivre une garde partagée : une histoire d’engagement by Claudette Guilmaine (2009) (French only)
- Divorce et famille recomposée : Mode d’emploi by Chantal St-Hilaire (2005) (French only)
- Putting Children First : Proven parenting strategies for helping children thrive through divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll (2010)
3. References
- 2houses. (2013, May 6). Co-parenting – How it works.
- Cloutier, R., Filion, L. et Timmermans, H. (2012). Les parents se séparent. Mieux vivre la crise et aider son enfant. Éditions du CHU Sainte-Justine.
- Éducaloi. (2024). Family Mediation in Six Steps.
- Government of Canada. (2022, December 21). Voice and Support: Programs for Children Experiencing Parental Separation and Divorce.
- Public Health Agency of Canada. (2016). Because life goes on… Helping children and youth live with separation and divorce. Government of Canada.
- Satistics Canada. (2022, March 23). How many children in Canada have experienced the separation or divorce of their parents? Results from the 2019 Canadian Health Survey on Children and Youth.
This info sheet has been written in collaboration with:
- Élise Cadieux-Lynch, Social worker and partnership liaison officer, Aire ouverte Brossard, CISSS de la Montérégie-Centre
- Mélanie Camera, Social worker, Direction des programmes jeunesse et des activités de santé publique, CISSS de la Montérégie-Ouest
- Catherine Gélinas, Social worker and clinical activities specialist, Programme Famille et jeunes en difficultés, CISSS de la Montérégie-Centre
- Léa Giroux, Leisure and community activities manager, La Croisée de Longueuil
- Isabelle St-Pierre, Psychoeducator and clinical activities specialist, Direction des programmes jeunesse et des activités de santé publique, CISSS de la Montérégie-Ouest
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