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Why is it important to talk to my teen about sexuality? 

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In this info sheet

Adolescence is a time for teens to explore their sexuality—something they each do at their own pace.

Talking about it helps them better understand themselves and make smarter choices. It also reduces the risks to their health and well-being, not to mention their safety.

To better understand

Each teenager explores their sexuality at their own pace. So, it’s only normal for teens to ask questions about it.

There’s much more to sexuality than just sex:

  • Sexuality encompasses our thoughts and feelings.
  • There is also everything going on in our body.
  • It’s expressed in our relationships with others.
  • It’s influenced by society.

Talking to your teen about sexuality, without judgment and in a positive way, helps them to:

  • Better understand themselves;
  • Accept themselves for who they are;
  • Understand what sexuality is;
  • Form healthy relationships;
  • Set boundaries and respect other people’s;
  • Make informed decisions for their health and well-being.

True or false?

Talking about sexuality encourage teens to have sex.

False. On the contrary, there are several advantages to talking about it openly:

  • Delaying your teen’s first sexual experiences;
  • Reducing the risk of pregnancy;
  • Reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections.

True or false?

Most teens today have sexual experiences younger than before.

False. The average age of a teen’s first sexual experience has stayed the same since the 1980s, at around 16 years old.

Be there for my teen

Talking to your teenager about sexuality can feel awkward.

Respect your own comfort level with the subject, while doing the same for your teen.

Inform yourself before having the discussion.

Not comfortable talking to your teen about sexuality or answering some of their questions? No problem! Ask a trusted adult to step in so your teen has someone to confide in.

Tips for talking to your teen about sexuality.

Use everyday opportunities to talk about sexuality:

  • Give your teen a book about sexuality or leave one where they will find it;
  • Elaborate on topics they covered at school;
  • Talk about situations or stories seen in the media.

Ask your teen open-ended questions, such as:

  • What do you think about this?
  • How do you feel about this situation?
  • How would you react if your boyfriend or girlfriend wanted to do something you didn’t want to do? Would you feel comfortable saying no? Why or why not?

Help your teen to understand themselves better:

  • Their preferences;
  • Their boundaries;
  • Their values.

Respect your teen’s privacy. For example, make sure they have their own personal space or private time.

Be open to listening. Don’t judge them or overreact when they confide in you.

Talk to them about:

  • Self-respect and respect for others;
  • Consent;
  • Equality between people in real-life and online relationships;
  • The risks of meeting people online.

Respect your teen’s development and experiences. Avoid bringing up topics before they’re ready, comparing them to others, or making fun of them.

Support your teen when they’re having a hard time. Help them explore possible solutions, but let them decide what to do and how to do it.

Agree on rules for romantic relationships, for example:

  • Inviting a partner over or going to their house;
  • Curfews;
  • Sleepovers;
  • Etc.

Talk about safety rules and precautions when meeting up with someone. For example:

  • Always tell a trusted person where they’re going;
  • Ask at least one trusted person to go with them when meeting someone new;
  • Avoid sharing any personal information online, such as their address, or private details about their life;
  • Avoid sharing intimate photos or videos of themselves or others. Incidentally, this is illegal;
  • Learn to recognize the signs of manipulation and violence;
  • Avoid using substances such as alcohol or drugs;
  • Etc.

Talk to your teen about the importance of using protection to prevent unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections:

  • Provide condoms or make them easily available;
  • Ask a health professional about birth control methods such as the pill or IUD (intrauterine device).

See the other En Mode Ado fact sheets for advice about other topics:

#Puberty #Romantic and sexual awakening #Sexting #Pornography #Sexual and gender diversity #Breaking up #Preventing STIs and unplanned pregnancies #Intimate partner violence #Sexual violence #Sextortion

Practical resources and tools

1. For support :

You are dealing with a situation that worries you? Ask for help:

Community organizations: family centre, youth centre, etc.
Some community organizations offer support programs for parents of teenagers. Call your local organization for information.

Intervenant∙e∙s scolaires

2. For more information :

  • Mosaik, capsule 4 : Getting involved in your child’s sex education: you can do it! – PDF Document
  • Tel-jeunes online information on sexuality for parents
  • Sex & u, an online ressource of The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada

This info sheet has been written in collaboration with :

Julie Tremblay, sexologue clinicienne et psychothérapeute, programme Aire ouverte, CISSS de la Montérégie-Centre

Isabelle Brunelle, agente de planification, programmation et recherche, approche École en santé, CISSS de la Montérégie-Est

Audrey Desparois-Couture, coordonnatrice clinique, CALACS La Vigie

Nancy Patry, intervenante aux relations extérieures et concertation, Maison Hina

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