Stress and anxiety: how to support my teen?

To better understand

Is it normal to feel stressed? Should I be concerned if my teen is experiencing stress? Is there a difference between stress and anxiety? As the parent of a teenager, it’s normal to ask these questions. Here are some answers.

First, rest assured that experiencing stress is completely normal. Stress is a response that everyone experiences at one time or another and teens are no exception. Stress is an alarm signal that allows us to respond to a tangible and real situation that we perceive as being threatening. Too often, we tend to give stress a negative connotation. Yet, it is stress that gives us the energy needed (brain activation response) to handle stressful situations better. Depending on the situation, a stress response can be fight (overcome the fear), flight of freeze. For example, it would be normal for your teen to feel stressed following a move that involves changing schools or during their first driving course. It’s this same stress that allows them to react, find solutions and appropriately cope with the situation.

The same situation may be stressful for one teen and not another. It depends on, among other things, their personality and their past experiences. How we respond to stress affects our thoughts (what we tell ourselves about it), our body (what we feel) and our behaviours (what we do). The body sends physical signals that give rise to various emotions.

Classically, there are four sources of stress, and there is an acronym to help you remember them: NUTS [i], which is defined as follows:

N – Novelty; something new

U – Unpredictability

T – Threat to the ego; feeling your competence is questioned

S – Sense of control; feeling you have little or no control in a situation

Having a clear understanding about the situation makes it possible to identify the possible sources of your teen’s stress so that you can work together to find solutions.

In this way, overcoming stress becomes an opportunity for your teen to learn that will help them throughout their life. However, to be positive, the stress must remain within what is referred to as the “optimal zone”. Lack of stress can lead your teen to underperform, for example, not adequately preparing for an exam or forgetting what they learned. Excess stress can lead to various difficulties such as sleeping poorly, substance use, and can eventually lead to burn-out. The following stress curve is a good illustration of this phenomenon[ii].

And anxiety?

We refer to anxiety when a teenager has an exaggerated fear that something will happen or when they imagine that something catastrophic will happen. Sometimes we refer to this as a “fear of feeling fear”. Alarmed, the body prepares to react to the danger, whether real or exaggerated. If the anxiety persists, the teen may begin to feel distress that may affect their overall ability to function. If this happens, it is important to see a health professional.

Practical resources and tools

1. For support:

If you are concerned about a situation, do not hesitate to reach out to a support worker or a healthcare professional:

• Info-Santé/Info-Social 811
• Tel-Jeunes Parents
• CLSC
• Community organizations: family centre, youth centre, etc.
  Some community organizations offer support programs for parents of teenagers. Call your local organization for information.
• School staff members

2. For more information:

• Mini-guide teen anxiety special family edition
• Youth in mind Foundation
• Hors-Piste (French only)
• Tel-jeunes
• Time out pour l’ado stressé (French only)
• Stress n’ go

3. References:

• [i] Centre for studies on Human Stress. (2019). Recipe for stress. Recipe for stress – CESH / CSHS
• [ii] Stress curve developed by Yerkes and Dodson, 1908, cited in Auger, C. (2021, 21 janvier). Série stress – L’anxiété de performance, un désir de réalisation. Gestion HEC Montréal.