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Listening to ourselves and talking to each other: parent-teen communication

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Communication can get complicated when it comes to parent-teen relationships. As a parent, you can often feel disconnected from your teen—and like you’re always putting your foot in your mouth.

Don’t worry! Despite what your teen may lead you to believe, their relationship with you is important to them. Which is why it’s crucial that you’re able to communicate clearly with your teen. Even though your teen may distance themselves from you, it’s important you stay available and open-minded. Your teen is more likely to talk to you about the big issues than rely solely on their friends.

Tips for talking to your teen

Spend time together as a family: meals, movies, sports, etc.

  • The more things you do together, the better you’ll get to know your teen during this period rife with change. It will also help strengthen your bond.
  • Ask your teen what activities they’d enjoy doing with you.

Figure out the best time to talk

  • Make sure you’re both available before starting a conversation with your teen.
  • Make eye contact with your teen when they’re talking to you. Stop whatever you’re doing.
  • Take some time to calm down if you feel yourself reacting strongly to something your teen is saying. Press pause on the conversation. Continue the conversation once everyone has calmed down, letting each person express their opinion about the situation.

Just listen with an open mind

  • Let your teen express their point of view and listen until they’re done speaking; avoid judging what they say.
  • Make sure you understand what they’re saying; ask questions to clarify or get more details. Rephrase what you heard in your own words to make sure you understood correctly.
  • Read up on their interests that are less familiar to you; this will give you conversation starters.

Don’t downplay their concerns

  • As an adult, you have more life experience than your teen. Your teen is learning to navigate new situations.
  • Remember that your teen will only bring up subjects they feel are important to them.
  • Treat their concerns the same as your own.

Be a good confidant

  • Let your teen know they can trust you and that you’ll keep all conversations private. This will make them more likely to talk to you about sensitive topics.

Quickly state your point but don’t dwell on it

  • Long speeches don’t go over well with teens, who tend to have a short attention span.

Make time for face-to-face conversations

  • Don’t limit your communication to text messages, which your teen can misinterpret or outright ignore.

Celebrate your teen’s achievements and efforts

  • Celebrate their achievements and efforts as a way of encouraging them to keep up the positive behaviours. If they behave well, you’ll have a better relationship.
  • Avoid putting them down or criticizing them. Blaming isn’t constructive and doesn’t foster good communication.
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In short

Your teen need to experience new things. Although they need space, they still want to know their parents are never far away.

Despite the importance of having their friends around, your teen also needs to talk to you about anything that’s worrying them.

They might give you attitude sometimes, but your teen hasn’t turned into an alien. You can still talk to them!

Practical resources and tools

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